🐾 My Cat Thinks He Owns the House (He Might Be Right) 🐾
I used to think I was the one paying rent around here. I really did. But then I realized—I'm just a live-in servant in a mansion ruled by a four-legged dictator with a tail.
Let me introduce you to the real owner of the house: Mr. Whiskers. Full-time drama queen. Part-time ninja. Professional sleep consultant.
Here are just a few reasons I’m convinced my cat runs the show:
1. He Chooses My Wake-Up Time (Spoiler: It’s 4 AM)
Forget alarm clocks. Mr. Whiskers prefers to wake me with the ancient technique of “face tapping followed by loud meowing.” Works every time. I now get up earlier than farmers.
2. He Conducts Regular Furniture Inspections
Ever sat on a couch and felt judged? That’s because my cat sits on the armrest like royalty and stares at me like I’m ruining his perfectly fluffed cushions.
3. I Bought a Fancy Bed—He Sleeps in the Box
Spent $50 on a plush cat bed. He sniffed it once, gave me a side-eye, and jumped into the cardboard box instead. 10/10 comfort, zero respect for human effort.
4. His Zoomies Are Property Claims
At 3 AM, he runs across every surface of the house like a caffeinated squirrel. I thought he was possessed. Turns out, it’s just his nightly ritual of saying: “Mine. Mine. Also mine.”
5. Bathroom Privacy? What’s That?
If I try to shut the door while in the bathroom, he acts like I’ve gone to war and abandoned him. The paw under the door. The cries. The betrayal. This cat has separation anxiety… from me using the toilet.
6. He Has the Final Meow
Ever try to argue with a cat? Don’t. They’ll just blink slowly, walk away with their tail in the air, and somehow still win the argument.
Conclusion:
I used to think I was a responsible adult. Now I realize I live in a house where I clean poop from a box while being judged by a creature who licks his butt in public.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world. Because in his own weird, royal, chaotic way… Mr. Whiskers rules my heart too.
🐱 Bonus Cat Law #1: If You Leave a Cup on the Table, It Must Be Knocked Over.
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